OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
