people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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