Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
