Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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