i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
