Whod you bang
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
