I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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