If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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