is wine microwaveable?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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