Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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