there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
