Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
