his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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