Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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