I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize