Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
