Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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