you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
