BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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