i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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