look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
