I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
