I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
