I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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