the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
