I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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