The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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