I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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