Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
