My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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