if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
