i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
