btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
