Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
organizing the empties. That sober.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We're too hungover to prance.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
