you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
