cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
