did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
