oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
