i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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