Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
