you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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