What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
