that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
