3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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