I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
