my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
