also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
