I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
