I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's shark week go big or go home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
