I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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