they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
