i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
