She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
