who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
