we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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