Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
