I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
