and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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