She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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