He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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