beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
