i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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