i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
