I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
