I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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