i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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