shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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