Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
