I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
