so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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